Disbelief
by zkcaskett
Summary: She's here, he knows it. Who else could it be but her? He gets to his feet as the doors open and he's hit with a wave of disbelief. The weight that's been settled in his chest all day alleviates but doesn't dissipate entirely. He needs to hold her, to wrap his arms around her slim body and never let her go. 6x17 mid-ep insert.


**The only thing I thought was missing from last week's episode "In the Belly of the Beast". This is the moment they reunite in the precinct.  
_**

He had held it in all day. He was proud not to have given Gates a reason to kick him out of the precinct if only temporarily in order to regain his bearings.

He hadn't lost it completely; hadn't let the all-consuming rage that was building inside him take over. How could they have been this sloppy? Castle had never been one to criticize the NYPD's work, if only because he hadn't really gained the right to be critical seeing as he was only there for the actual cases. But this operation had been extraordinarily mishandled. They had managed to read their witness completely wrong, due to the newly delivered information that identified her as an accomplice. They had taken the bait despite the lack of information out of desperation for a lead, desperation to close their case.

They had implicated another cop that didn't know the case, hadn't studied the profile and asked her to impersonate someone she had absolutely no knowledge of. They had asked her to do the impossible and being the incredible officer that she was, Kate had agreed to go in blind if only for the benefit of narcotics and what they argued this would bring to their operation. Though Castle had the feeling it also had to do with saving this guy's ass.

She had agreed and they had managed to fail her in every way possible. Whenever she managed to reach them or give them any sort of lead possible they came up short. The wire had ceased to function, they were unable to trace the call, and the man she had saved was of no help...

Yet every time she managed to do it again. She succeeded in reaching them somehow, in giving them a sign that she was still alive.

He had spent the entire day suppressing the anger he felt towards the narcotics officer only to let the facade slip in one weak moment of utter frustration. He'd told him that it wasn't enough. It hadn't been. Everything they had done to help her had been insufficient and by definition insignificant since it had failed to bring her back, to bring her home.

Underneath the anger was the insurmountable feeling of uselessness; the fact that he was powerless to stop any of this. Espo had warned him not to sell her short.

Did he have any idea who the hell he was talking to? It had taken everything inside of him to clamp his mouth shut and not to tell him so. It was _he_ who had recognized something amazing in her from that very first case six years ago, he who had persisted in following her around only to find out that she was entirely worth the wait. He had based novels off of her work. Kate was his muse and Espo should realize by now that he knows full well how great of a cop she really is. Her job drives her; her compassion and determination, her greatest assets.

But no matter how great an officer is, there is a reason why they don't go on take-downs without any back up. There is a reason why they wear bullet proof vests. She has none of that right now. She has no idea who she's supposed to be and she is _alone._

So, yeah, in his mind, Castle figured he was entirely justified to wish there was something he could do.

The fear was eating him alive; the what if's…?

_What if she never comes home? What if her PTSD is triggered? What if he never gets to feel the trace of her lips against his after today? What if last night was the last time they will have ever made love? _

The reality of her job comes crashing into him at once. He was never guaranteed a lifetime with her. Not with her job and what it entails, he suddenly realized. They may have made promises to live the rest of their lives together, but what if that decision was ripped out from her hands? She might not have forever to give.  
_

Castle is seated in his chair, staring at hers with a longing that annihilates any other feelings he's tried to hold at bay during the course of the afternoon. It's only a few beats later that he hears it, the distinguished ring of the elevator signaling its arrival to the floor. Normally it would have gone unnoticed and he wouldn't have given it a second thought. He doesn't turn every time the elevator doors open to see who exits and who enters, that would be ludicrous. But right now, he can't help himself. The feeling takes place inside of him and he knows. He knows it her and the tissues that surround his heart contract. He swears he can feel the interval in the flow of blood circulation through his veins as the organ skips a beat. She's here, he knows it. Who else could it be but her? He gets to his feet as the doors open and he's hit with a wave of disbelief. The weight that's been settled in his chest all day alleviates but doesn't dissipate entirely. He needs to hold her, to wrap his arms around her slim body and never let her go.

She's slumped against the far wall of the box and it takes her a few seconds to realize the doors have opened but then he sees her head snap up and she meets his eyes.

Nothing else matters. His feet move of their own volition - although he wouldn't want them heading in any other direction than towards her- and never once do they break eye contact. He watches as her features express with an undeniable clarity the nature of her feelings. She's relived. She's sees him and she is relived.

He's running now and she's only just managed to push her body forward, her heavy limbs never having failed her as much as right now with their lack of cooperation to just _move_. Her arms however, get the message and she lifts them just as he reaches her, almost as if catching her, just outside the elevators doors. Her body folds into his and Castle feels a strangled sob escape from the confines of her chest. Knowing Kate, he figures she's kept from breaking until this very second and- God he loves her. His arms engulf her, one hand at the small of her back and the other cradling her head to his chest. She buries her face in the crook of his neck and he feels her lithe form expand as she inhales deeply.

"Castle," she sighs her voice breathless and heavy with relief.

_She's okay, she's okay, she's okay_, plays incessantly through his mind in an endless loop.

Castle couldn't care less that they are in the precinct; he kisses the top of her head gently and holds her. There is nowhere else he needs to be other than right here.

After what feels like hours, her head moves up and although he's nowhere near ready to let go, if this is what she wants, he will oblige. Looking up at him with a weak smile, she unwinds her arms from around his body and he's heavy with the loss but Kate immediately wraps them around his neck and stretches on her toes to meet his lips. Castle dips his head down meeting her halfway. Their lips align and he knows that whatever happens he will never forget this. He will forever remember the insufferable loss he felt when he thought he lost her. If he thought it was bad when she left without a word after being shot, a day without knowing whether or not she was alive after being engaged to her doesn't even compare. There is no way he will never not cherish the feel of her lips upon his and how they move against each other in perfect unison.

When they separate, she hugs him once more and he's only now just found his voice for the first time in minutes.

"God, Kate… I thought I lost you."

It's barely a whisper but with the increased force in her hold he knows she heard him.

"Never."

**Thank you for reading. Reviews are always welcome. **


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